when you drop it like its hot

I dropped my stress ball and it rolled under my bed! I hate it when I drop things these days. Picking them up ain’t easy anymore. My spine attempts to snap with every bend. With my growing belly and never ending backaches, who would love to keep on stooping? My toes are even starting to disappear.

There are just some things in my life that I wish I didn’t drop – ‘coz it ain’t easy picking them up at all. There is a snap at every bend. Much more than that, there are mortalities. Some of them I cannot bring back to life, not in any form. Counting on the things that I have lost, it makes me feel so undeserving of the things that I have found along the way. Getting my way out of this confusion is a journey that I wish I could step into the light upon its culmination, without seeing heaven.

Like the morning begins the day, there are always new things to be found to compensate on the things that one has dropped and lost. If it rolled under some bed, there’s always a way to get it out of there. If there are no other ways, then there are other opportunities.

In college, I dropped a five-unit Chemistry class to make more time for campus journalism.I end up blogging.

=)

tuesdays with morrie

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6900.Tuesdays_with_Morrie_An_Old_Man_a_Young_Man_and_Life_s_Greatest_Lesson">Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life's Greatest Lesson by http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/2331.Mitch_Albom">Mitch Albom


Sad, but fortunate.
Not all of us will have the chance to foresee our death. As it is certain, it has no estimated time of arrival, whatsoever. Thus, lucky are those who had the time to say goodbye. The luckiest is Mitch.Aside from being able to say goodbye, he was able to learn life's greatest lesson: that nothing can feel more love than the heart - neither can the eyes see beauty than the heart.
I just hope that I would get the same chance everytime a loved one will drift off to eternity. That I would know when so, I will be able to show them the all the love that they deserve. When it is my time to go, I wish to have the same opportunity. That I will be able to share the wisdom that life has taught me.
http://www.goodreads.com/review/list/2708609-faith-ann">View all my reviews >>

putting the chicken and the egg to a halt

Its disarming when philosophy disproves your notion. Just recently, I was so certain that it was the egg first before the chicken, that the idea of the egg was formed first before the chicken came to be. It was just a process of evolution that brought the chicken about.

Just few minutes ago, I was doing some online reading on philosophical inquiries and the argument from motion, my belief was shattered. Yes, the chicken came before the egg. The reason is:

“Since actuality precedes potentiality, the chicken precedes the egg.”

Both agreed upon by Aquinas and Aristotle. I am no philosopher, what can I say then? I have my Foreign Language class tomorrow and I don’t think this is of any relevance, why do I keep on digging into philosophy anyway? Now, I’m in too deep, so I would rather face it.


More than the chicken coming before the egg, the idea that actuality precedes potentiality has struck me in another way. As a writer, why do I read and research before I get into my writing. Why do I have to have my stories based on some facts when I can make it a whole lot different? I have a free world. The reason is just the same: actuality precedes potentiality - whatever is moved, is moved by another.

A touch of reality gives life to a dream. The present gives birth to the future. With what we experience, growth is bred, and so does wisdom.

Hopefully, this is the culmination of the chicken and the egg askance for me. I would rather be asked how I was made or how I came to be. I will definitely give you a reason or even a story that no philosopher can argue about.

…Sorry Dad, for being so nosy I read your college diary…I may be wrong about the chicken and the egg but I know exactly how I was made!!! :-)

the choiceless attack

Waking up with the laundry undelivered and a swollen eye may not be categorized under a “good morning” but that could not prevent a great day from happening. The microwave just stopped working, though late last night it made a perfect mac and cheese heating – how can they happen all at once? Maybe because its Friday. Maybe because it has to happen.

Getting pissed off makes me think more than I usually do. It makes me patient – makes me experience sublimation. You experience a lot when there is nothing you can do about certain situations. Just like wanting to be asleep when you have a pile of tasks on the deadline. When you are left choiceless, you make the right decisions, or breathe a little for a while to clear the mind.

After all, a grit that lasts will ruin the teeth.

love is a slow kiss goodnight

My first encounter with this selection was way back in college...when i was seeking to understand love. Instead, it was love who understood me.


Love is a slow kiss goodnight.It´s anticipation.

Love is an imperfection in yourself not bothering you.It´s acceptance.
Love is passing up an opportunity because the time isn´t right yet.It´s patience.
Love is a back massage that starts above the hairline and ends around the insoles.It´s exploration.
Love is not having to say "Let´s make love", because you know what the other persons wants.It´s understanding.
Love is being given an honest chance to say no when you thought you were committed.It´s consideration.
Love is both of you remembering protection.It´s responsibility.
Love is saying the perfect phrase to make a solemn embrace dissolve into giggles.It´s humor.
Love is being told "Stop and I´ll kill you".It´s desire.
Love is reviewing the damage to your living room and realizing personal effects are strewn in a clockwise pattern from the front door to the bedroom.It´s abandonment.
Love is seeing what your lover really looks like for the first time.It´s truth.
Love is knowing what time it is and not caring.It´s joy.
Love is the arms around you tightening their embrace.It´s ecstasy.
Love is seeing a new side of a person you thought you knew.It´s renewal.
Love is telling a person if you have to leave, you will let them sleep, and being told they would rather be woken.It´s tenderness.
Love is waking up to find the subject of the dream you were having asleep on your shoulder.It´s where fantasy meets reality.
Love is being there to wake your lover. Slowly.It´s sensuousness.
Love is belatedly knowing why you bothered to buy a queen-sized bed three years ago.It´s practicality.
Love is two people only taking up a third of a queen-sized bed.It´s closeness.
Love is knowing you gave the extra set of keys to your apartment to the right person.It´s trust.
Love is saying good-bye and knowing you will be back by mutual consent.It´s faith.
Love is stretching your arms and discovering the real meaning of the word "sore".It´s a lesson in human frailty.
Love is opening your medicine cabinet and finding your tube of toothpaste turned into a pretzel.It´s adaptation.
Love is sitting at the window, looking out and remembering who you were with the night before.It´s reflection.
Love is hearing the weather forecast for a winter storm and wishing you could spend it in bed with your lover.It´s loneliness.

Love is stories that will never be told.It´s personal.Love is a slow kiss goodnight.

spelling the name of disaster

This time, it was a Saturday.

A little more than a year ago, it was a Friday. I was on my way to work then, but I could no longer make it through the flooded city streets. I had to go back into the house, frustrated because I could not leave. Aside from that, the news kept me so worried because they say that in our town, the waters have gone high already. I could imagine my anxiety back then. I was staying in the city and I could not contact any of them came the afternoon. Just before the break of a new day, the rain stopped. I got home.

I came face to face, literally, with disaster. People got busy putting their lives together. It took time before everything and everyone got back to their feet.

Last week, there it went again. It prevented me from leaving, too. My flight the next day was canceled and was rescheduled due to the hateful weather condition. The disaster struck us again. Not the same area, though, but with almost and even more damage. Frank, Ondoy and the upcoming Pepeng - may it assume any name -has caused millions of property, livelihood and priceless lives.

With this sight, no matter how we ask for reasons why, the answers seem vague. Instead of asking, there is much more that we can do. We can HELP.

and PRAY.

(Photo courtesy of news.yahoo.com)

someone else

"What if the person you loved became someone else?"
-Possession, 1999

Scary.

Whether it be someone else better or someone else worst. The thought of change is something that one should stand up to when loving - because everyday it happens, and it happens from moment to moment.

What would you do if he adores you now and turns his head the minute the girl next door passes by? What would you think if he gives you only one long stemmed rose from supposed to be a dozen boquet? What would you feel if he's crazy about you and suddemly talks about how the past has made you so inadequate.

Even anticipation could not spare youu from hurting especially when you need security instead. Even knowing the person you love does not guarantee that when these changes happen it is going to be pain-free. No wisdom can shield you from the rocks that will fall upon you, nor could it hold you from falling on those sharp ones.

Change, though, should not make you love less. You can decide to persist. Unless...

you look into his eyes and see someone else.

desiderata

i am back. and i want to be back for good. i have missed my blog and so much about writing.

this is what led me home:

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be
greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career
however humble;
it is a real possession in the
changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you
to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit
to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham,
drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

un-sober

i had another cup of strong americano. gracie and i went to enjoy some booze after work. both of us just got a little groggy but we were not able to obtain the drunken-ness that we are dying to achieve. we did not talk a lot because we were both preoccupied by the thoughts why we end up wanting beer instead of sleep. for the first time in months, i did not head directly home.

well, this is not an ordinary day...because we are dealing with a not so ordinary pain.

the pain of insecurity.

sorry, i could not extract more.

roll call

for the past two months, i had been busy with my new job. i moved to new company and it means the big "A" - - - adjustment. I had no more time to read and write. the only thing that i could do when i get home is turn on the computer and hit my play list and doze off to dreamland.

everything is doing fine and looking forward that its gonna be great in a matter of time.

meanwhile, evrything's simply easy.

the queen

THE QUEEN
by Pablo Neruda

I have named you queen
There are taller ones than you, taller.
There are purer ones than you, purer.
There are lovelier ones than you, lovelier.

But you are the queen.

When you go through the streets
no one recognizes you.
No one sees your crystal crown, no one looks
at the carpet of red gold
that you tread as you pass,
the nonexistent carpet

And when you appear
all the river sound
in my body, bells
shake the sky,
and a hymn fills the world.

Only you and I,
only you and I, my love,
listen to it.

eyes wide shut

Insomnia attacks. Lately, I had been battling with awaken-ness. I could hardly sleep.

I miss the times that the moment lay my head on the pillow, I easily drift into slumber. Is it me or is it the bed?

Whatever.

Even the weekends are filled with running thoughts that are not worth the chase.

I wish to wake up from being awake.

missed tech girl

Oh my! I thought it will be forever. Finally, I was able to write again.
I had been a bum for two weeks...deprived myself of the web. I guess I had the time of my life to take off from the world first.

I have new job. Stricter than the previous...no internet access. Just the tools being used for the operations...very limiting...but i have to put my heart into it. Frustrating because I failed my first exam, but that was it. No second takes, but there is still tomorrow to come, anyway.

:-( I miss my friends...blogging, Friendster, Facebook and the free coffee.

This would just do for now.

cindy on the loose again

I have enjoyed.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

dating me

The Sonnet

Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLD)

Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?

Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.

Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.

You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.

Always avoid: The 5-Night Stand (DBSM), The False Messiah (DBLM), The Hornivore (RBSM), The Last Man on Earth (RBSD)

Consider: The Loverboy (RGLM)

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid - free online dating.

coffee crumbles

What is your occupation? - HR soon to be a bum.

What color are your socks right now? - sock-less.

What are you listening to right now? - airconditioning sytem.

What was the last thing that you ate? - tocino...tocilog.

Can you drive a stick shift? - hate driving, love the car...

If you were a crayon, what color would you be?- no other than PINK.

Last person you spoke to on the phone? - Ponz

Do you like the person who sent this to you? - of course, love that girl.

Favorite drink? - coke.

What is your favorite sport to watch? - world pool championships.

Have you ever dyed your hair? - yeah, last week.

Dog name - geisha belle, snowy, strike, baby doll and bruno.

Favorite food? - anything non-veggie. i eat veggies, too, but on a taster's level only.

Last movie you watched? - on my pc only: we were soldiers. a mel gibson war classic.

Favorite Day of the year? - rainy days and mondays always get me down

What do you do to vent anger? - write. classic love songs. bed. emote.

What was your favorite toy as a child? - kitchen set.

What is your favorite, fall or spring? - summer.

Hugs or kisses? - xoxo - lots of both.

What kind of pie? - pizza pie. still a pie, right?

Do you want your friends to email you back? - of course. communication is a 2-way process.

Who is most likely to respond?- some only.

Who is least likely to respond? - my sis

Living arrangements? - scattered and unarranged.

When was the last time you cried? - a few hours ago. just a few teardrops of hapiness, though.

What is on the floor of your closet? - nothing. the bottom is empty.

Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to? - i am gonna blog this.

The friend you have known the shortest amount of time that you are sending this to? - none.

Favorite smell? - newly changed bedsheets and his worn shirt.

What inspires you? - everything that happens inspires me to go on.

What are you afraid of? - ghosts and other unfamiliar animals.

Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? - spicy.

Favorite car? - nothing in particular.

Favorite cat breed? - pusakal.

Number of keys on your key ring? - 2

How many years at your current job? - almost 2 years.

Favorite day of the week? - wednesday. like today.

How many provinces have you lived in? - 2

How many countries have you been to? - 1

***thanks marie. i was able to pass time away, while my slideshow is buffering. yeah, i am making a very, very special slideshow, which i will soon send you. Hehehe! you know what it is.

up karma down

I am gonna miss my long hair...goodbye split ends and tangles. Of course, I am not gonna miss being pissed off every morning when I am trying to look decent and not some frustrated bold starlet of the 60's. :-) hehe!

I am looking forward to long hours of travel today. I will be seeing calming sights of the countryside. Vangie and I will be coming over to Nabas to attend Divine's burial tomorrow. For the last time, I am gonna send off my friend to her corporal resting place. How I wish she could have seen my reddish hair. For sure, she will say, "Ate, ang arte mo talaga!!!" Someday, we will see each other in the most beautiful state.

---oOo--- ---oOo--- ---oOo--- ---oOo--- ---oOo--- ---oOo--- ---oOo---

The bygone wrongs bring forth sorrows and woes The bygone right breeds bliss. "This is the doctrine of Karma.”

What goes around comes around. This is the law of cause and effect. I came accross an article explaining how Karma works. Somehow, I had been skeptical about it, believing only that vengeance is not ours. Well, not ours really, but fate has a way of picking us up from the fall or pulling us down when we are way up there and out of control. It could either show its effect immediately, or its gonna exhaust its strength in the future. I am enlightened and encouraged to do more good. It is like banking for the future. It is an assurance more than Social Security could ever provide.

In the next lifetime, what entitiy would I be? Of course I don't wanna be an ape!!! Bloody hell! Ang panget, uy! I wanna be a butterfly. A princess butterfly. Colorful, free-flying and an agent of pollenation. Beauty with a purpose, huh.

Whatever. Just feeling queer. Hope to get a little lucky today.

girlandia

Finally, i had my hair done. Thanks to Dexter, my stylist who refused to cut my hair short. No more bad hair days. Only, flippin' and bangin' my red head. The color was actually Dex's choice - a combination of Ash Brown and Burgundy, so when highlighted, it produces a golden, reddish radiance. In short, it's Christmas in February! Falala-lala-lalah!

I had been pretty busy lately. Busy catching up with rest and sleep during the day. I feel rejuvenated. Now, no more sleepless days. I had more time watching downloaded movies. I had the chance to watch my favorite mushy flicks again, which includes, Sweet Home Alabama,Freaky, Friday, Fools Rush In, Mean Girls and of course, ConAir!


And I get to watch something new, too. In The Land of Women.



It is actually a 2007 film where Adam Brody (Carter). plays the role of a heartbroken young man who decides to take time off by hibernating in a suburban place with his grandmother. Aside from taking the responsibility of taking care of his folk, he gets to meet Meg Ryan (Sarah) and her daughters which got him caught up in an emotional web.

It gave me some thoughts to figure out. There aren't enough men in the world. All through my school days, the ratio of girls versus boys is 2:1. The bi's and the gays are flourishing, so that is a big loss to the machismo population. This makes a land of women, indeed. Now, would it be okay for all women to share their men with the others? How I wish I could say, I don't mind, but if I would readily agree to this, I am definitely out of my mind. (No way, Jose!!!)

How about being a woman? Men thinks its easy being us. Why not go through a post partum? Or give birth to a nine-pound baby, naturally? Perhaps, they would learn to behave themselves, and know when to pop their balls out of their pants. I do not mean to generalize, but this is a bitter reality - men are just boys grown tall.

Too little men. Too little time. Love 'em. Keep 'em for as long as you can.

day of hearts

Valentine had never been this special.

The past weeks weren't so kind. I have cried so much. I have lost so much. The only thing that I wanted for today is a good day's sleep with peace in my heart.

(My new Valentine babies from Ponz - Gaussian & Gradient.)

Here's a valentine message in a story: Thanks to Warrior of the Light

Gerson Luiz tells the story of a rose that longed for the company of the bees, but none would come to her. Even so, the flower was still capable of dreaming. When she felt all alone, she would imagi­ne a garden filled with bees that came to kiss her. And so she managed to resist until the next day, when she opened her petals again. “Aren’t you tired?” someone must have asked her.

“No. I have to go on fighting,” answered the flower.

“Why?”

"Because if I don't open up, I wither."

my 16 PF result

Cattell's 16 Factor Test Results Warmth |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Intellect |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78% Emotional Stability |||||||||||||||||| 54% Aggressiveness ||||||||||||||| 46% Liveliness ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Dutifulness ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Social Assertiveness ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Sensitivity |||||||||||||||||| 54% Paranoia ||||||||||||||| 46% Abstractness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Introversion ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Anxiety |||||||||||||||||| 54% Openmindedness |||||||||||||||||| 54% Independence |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||| 54% Tension |||||||||||| 34%

Take Cattell 16 Factor Test (similar to 16pf)
personality tests by similarminds.com

Therefore, I conclude that I am a warm, intellectual, lively, dutiful, assertive, abstract, introverted and independent person.

Did it say beautiful?....Why not?